Summary of How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
On a cold winter New York night, during a depression with twenty percent of the population on relief, twenty-five hundred people left their homes and hurried to the Pennsylvania Hotel in response to an ad that said:
“Increase Your Income
Learn How to Speak Effectively
Prepare for Leadership”
Why did people respond to that ad?
Because they wanted to learn the technique of getting along with and influencing other people, and at that time, this ad was the answer to their needs.
This is a brief Summary of “How To Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. 76 years have passed since it was first published, and its teachings and techniques remain as current as ever.
These are only the first three chapters of the book. I highly recommend that you get the book, study it and apply it’s techniques. The reading is easy and the book is full of interesting stories. Plus, if there is one thing that can help you succeed in life is to develop your skills in “How To Win Friends & Influence People”.
“In the heyday of his activity, John D. Rockefeller told Matthew C. Brush that “the ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee.” “And I will pay more for that ability,” said John D., “than for any other under the sun.”
Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Chapter 1: “If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive”
This chapter talks about how and why criticism is futile. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, no man ever criticizes himself for anything, no matter how wrong he may be. Criticism puts a man on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a man’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment.
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Dale Carnegie finishes the chapter reminding us that any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
“A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.”
So, if we want To Win Friends & Influence People, instead of condemning them, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness.
Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic and good at handling people that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success? “I will speak ill of no man,” he said “… and speak all the good I know of everybody.”
Chapter Two: The Big Secret of Dealing with People
There is only one way to get anybody to do anything, and that is by making the other person want to do it.
(Of course, you can force someone to do something against his will using violence and threats, but these methods have undesirable repercussions)
Let’s say it again, this time slightly different: The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want.
What do you want? According to Dr. Freud, John Dewey, and countless others, the deepest urge in human nature is “the desire to be important”
Almost every normal adult wants:
- Health and the preservation of life
- Money and the things money will buy
- Life in the hereafter
- Sexual gratification
- The well-being of our children
- A feeling of importance
Almost all of these wants are gratified, except for one: the feeling of importance. This is what moves you and inspire you to do anything big or small that you think will satisfy that desire. We desire to be appreciated.
So if you want to learn How To Win Friends & Influence People, give honest, sincere appreciation. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise” and people will cherish your words and treasure them.
Chapter 3: He who can do this has the whole world with him…
The only way to influence anyone is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
Professor Harry A. Overstreet in his book, Influencing Human Behavior, says: “Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire…
So, if you want To Win Friends & Influence People, the best piece of advise is: first, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole word with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way!”
I hope this short introduction to this great book was enough to arouse in you the desire to ready it!